Learning To Communicate Underwater Above Ground; Part 1. Getting Wet.

The last time I visited a public outdoor swimming pool I could safely drink chlorine water, and looked good with green hair. My friends and I didn't worry about our" bushes" outgrowing our bikinis, or looking like an open-faced marmalade sandwich. We spent a good deal of out time taking turns to see who could hold their breathe underwater the longest or collect hidden treasures on the pool's bottom.
 When we grew tired of this we would snatch a boy up and try to convince him to "tongue" us underwater and then giggle, pull each other under again and tell secrets to one another in the special "Glug Glug" language of the deep. There was a certain fascination to watching words trapped in a bubble slowly move across in gentle, caressing, waves.

It was some time later, when every word spoke above water begin to have the same "Glug, Glug" sound and I began to mistake people for escaped tuna fish and lost mermaids on land. There was even one time I was sure hallucinogenics were secretly being slipped in my drinks or people were hiding magic frogs in their throats.
I started to show signs of hearing loss at ten, but this was different then the, " I can't hear you, so, I will stare out the window and dream I am married to Shaun Cassidy, while you think I am an incorrigible ADHD child."  No! This was more of, "The Little Mermaid goes on shore leave and heads to Vegas for the weekend."
I could hear people, but I could no longer understand them. They all begin to sound like Father Kelly when he forgot to bring his notes to the sermon and would stare at his feet the entire time, while every once in awhile looking up and chuckling. For all we knew he could have been talking about his long, toenails and callused heels. Everyone was pretty much long lost, big toed, Father Kelly now.
I, also, grew tired of trying to read body language that, at times, looked like someone in an interview in hopes to become a New York City traffic cop. I would probably pass out in Italy.
When I could no longer communicate with people I excused myself at functions with sudden lactose intolerance IBS bouts and eye contact induced asthma.  Before I knew it, I was a hypochondriac ....and very lonely.