Tuesday, June 9, 2015

LUCK OF THE DRAW: MY JIM BEAVER STORY



 It might be because the day is so dreadfully hot, that the soul burns with sentiment, or, perhaps, sleep did not bring response nor satisfaction, but for either of those reasons or more, I find I cannot leave a thought.
It is my fully shocked heart that was awakened when a bounty was received in my behalf. 
When this stranger came into my life, I lay in most desperate times struggling to regain a composure and a means to acquaint myself with the mother who bore me.
 In this, I had high hopes that a new life awaited me somewhere in different circumstances if only I could not find myself in monetary despondency. 
I panhandled until I could no longer raise an arm or softly cry out, when a hero arrived with a deafening thud, leaving a substantial gift, then left like a feather caught in a Summer's breeze. 

 All I could do was watch him slowly float away just beyond reach.

I wondered if this kind, bearded, stranger had meant to incapacitate me with curiosity? Did he wish to woe me? Did he just take pity upon me or had my story actually stroked a heart string?  



To me, his lightening quick gesture pounced upon me like a giant bear hug in a place where the soulless wander hardly ever touched.
Perhaps, at one point in his life, he had been there himself.
I needed answers. 
Who was this sentimental, altruistic, human and why had he selected me in a brief, rushing, moment? 
There had to be a reason. And more importantly, why couldn't I accept that there may not have been a reason and there was certain randomness to it?  I could have been a creature in an ocean full of lovely things, another face, a smile, a whim. 

 But,time stops for people in a moment well noted and imprinted upon our bare, exposed soul. We leave ourselves out there in the open, wounded and vulnerable, hoping we will not be devoured and stripped of our humanity. We drop pretenses and pride when we find ourselves standing alone with nowhere to turn.
We finally ask for help, in a pitiful, embarrassing, cry,  knowing there will be expectations, attachments, and obligations.  
It is the circle of life. It is survival.
Those who do not participate will either dominate the chain or will eventually be unhooked as the weakest link.

It felt strange to me to be in a position of simple acceptance. It was not something I could do. 
 My heart reflexes, my hand reaches out, my soul vibrates and resounds! 
I am uncommonly moved.

It didn't matter what face the man wore, what clothes suited him or what vocation had called him. I am obliged. 



 This stranger has all but disappeared from my life. He walks alone to meet his own path with his own obligations that await him. 
I may never know why our paths crossed on that day or why he chose me for a moment in sweet time. 
I cry sometimes being left alone with only unanswered questions. 
There are other days I exhaust myself with anger or longing.
As time slowly heads from overhead to the horizon, I know it will soon disappear. There is a part of me that wants that while the other part wants just one more magical day with him in it.




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